Second Look: Friends ‘The One Where Ross Finds Out/The One with the List’ – I Felt It On My Hip

‘The One Where Ross Finds Out’ (aired 11/9/95)

Rachel’s jealous streak reaches a new level in ‘The One Where Ross Finds Out’, sending her into a downward spiral and making a point Friends would make many, many times over its 10 seasons: Rachel should never, ever drink alcohol.

Getting Rachel drunk to admit her feelings to Ross is a bit of a cheap way to handle the biggest reveal of the show to date – but there’s at least some time spent with Rachel as she tries to work out her feelings for Ross and move on from the whole situation. Now, it’s not very pleasant to watch – but then again, there are a lot of times where Rachel isn’t a very likable character (odd, considering how Jennifer Aniston quickly became the most famous in real life). But her insane jealously is at least addressed here, when it previous episodes it was a well of uncharacteristically mean-spirited jokes for an otherwise light-hearted character, which really didn’t encourage anyone to invest in Ross and Rachel potentially being a real couple.

Seeing as how that’s the focal point of ‘Ross Finds Out’ – the two of them finally confronting their feelings for each other and reacting to it – I’m not convinced the episode quite pulls it off. First of all, Ross and Julie are a couple in name only; we haven’t spent a single scene with Julie and Ross actually being a couple. Not a single one. And they decide to get a cat together, even though they live in separate apartments? It just doesn’t make any sense – and to some, it might seem like I’m nitpicking, but it’s the catalyst for everything that happens with Rachel and Ross for the rest of the series, and the lead-up to it is less than convincing.

But I’m not going to harp on it – for the sake of the more important material to follow, I’m willing to accept this ridiculous notion of the two getting an animal and transporting it around the city twice a week. This pet signals to Rachel that Julie and Ross are really serious (something that is a surprise to us, as well), and she immediately tries to counter what she’s feeling by brushing it aside, and moving on. And while on a date with someone, Rachel gets wasted and decides that to move on, she needs to have closure, which she attempts to get by leaving a drunken message on Ross’s machine.

The next day, Ross finds out, despite Rachel’s attempts to distract him. He’s understandably confused, and storms out of the apartment. I’m fine with everything up to that point – it’s when he returns to the coffee shop later that becomes a little disturbing. Ross starts yelling at Rachel, telling her she has no right to express her feelings to him – despite them being the feelings Ross has carried with him for over a decade (a fact that will be reinforced in a few episodes from now).

Let’s pause for a second: does anybody think that Ross would not drop everything and be with Rachel the moment he found out?  … I didn’t think so.

But he storms out, it starts raining, and as Rachel sits down to have her second or third crying session in the episode, Ross shows back up at the door. Maybe he finally realizes what an asshole he was in the scene before it – but it’s never defined, less of an important character beat and a way to milk the shit out of the romantic tension. But he returns, Rachel struggles to unlock the door, and their scene ends in a rain-soaked embrace. Romantic as hell? Yes, it is. Complete and utter bullshit based on their behavior throughout the rest of the episode?

That I’m unsure of – and I think the natural hindsight of having seen the entire series makes it hard to take an objective view of what happens here. In a way, I don’t give a shit how they get together because I just want them to do it already, so we can get to the best stretch of episodes in the series. But like the way the two would eventually break up (spoiler), the thing that brings them together is hokey, and takes away from the impact of the moments a bit (but we’ll talk about that more in the middle of season three, because it’s a much more glaring issue there).

Now, the B and C plots of the episode are so minor and insignificant, they’re both quickly forgotten: but of the two, Monica and Chandler’s excercise regimen is one of my favorite throwaway plots of the whole series. It establishes a fantastic dynamic the first season didn’t really explore much: Monica’s in-your-face aggression matches perfectly with the timid, avoid-everything-at-all-costs Chandler, the first of many tiny little bits over the next few seasons that would draw the characters closer and closer together. There isn’t much to do in their plot except be goofy and play The Odd Couple, and it’s really, really well-written and acted material.

The Phoebe and Joey stuff is a little more off-putting: I like how Joey tries to help out a friend (showing just what a swell guy he can be), but he basically revels in glory when Phoebe gets dumped because Joey’s tips to her made her seem easy. We don’t ever meet this guy she’s dating, but he goes from being a prude to a dickhead in an instant, and worst of all, Joey is beaming with joy (“this man is a god!”) while Phoebe sits next to him, noticeably hurt by what happened. There’s a thin line between lovable ladies man and repugnant misogynist, and I think ‘Ross Finds Out’ finds humor in the latter, which is very ill-fitting for Joey (however minor and insignificant the moment is).

Other thoughts/observations:

– how does Phoebe know the guy she’s dating isn’t gay (or possibly British)? “I felt it on my hip.”

– Chandler’s spandex shorts are a short-lived, but hilarious little gag.

– why does the show often resort to physical gags during big Ross/Rachel moments?

– Rachel: “You’re being a little weird about your phone.”

– another odd thing: when asked about her feelings for Ross, Rachel basically says she just decided to be sane. And then she acts insane for the next 22 minutes.

‘The One with the List’ (originally aired 11/16/95)

Like the previous episode, part of the premise for ‘The One with the List’ kind of bugs me: why would Ross still be deciding between Julie and Rachel at this point? But unlike ‘Ross Finds Out’, where the climax doesn’t quite overshadow what precedes it, ‘the List’ does a fantastic job in the second half taking what seems like an insignificant plot (Ross’s list, of course) and finding real meaning in it.

Friends always enjoyed dragging things out when it came to Ross and Rachel (as we’ll find out in subsequent seasons), and the same goes for the time between them admitting their feelings and actually starting to date. There’s a moment about halfway through where Ross and Rachel hug, and we’re to assume they are about to have their first quasi-date together. But when Rachel uncovers the list comparing Rachel and Julie he was working on with Chandler and Joey, the rug gets pulled out from Ross (and by proxy, us) as Rachel reads the negative things Ross thinks about her.

It’s a little bothersome how stuck on the ‘chubby ankles’ thing she seems to be (making a distinct reference to it twice, without really addressing the rest of the list), but Rachel makes a terrific point when she tells Ross that seeing the worst thoughts you have about yourself is very hard to hear coming from someone you think loves you – that, and the fact that she’d never make such a list in the first place. In a way, she’s both condemning his unintentional insults, and the idea that a man can compare two women on a piece of paper. It’s not fair to either of them – just because Rachel’s ‘just a waitress’, that doesn’t mean that’s all she is. He tells her to read the other side, where Julie’s negatives amount to “She’s not Rachel”, which Rachel misreads because of a typo, but still – Ross certainly has less negative things to say about Julie, which clouds our assumption of just how meant for each other they are.

Unsurprisingly, Chandler manages to be the best character in an episode focused on Ross and Rachel, at the top of his comedic game as the jester to the romantic, heavier elements of the episode. His nerdy obsession over his new laptop (12 megabytes of RAM, you guys!) and what he can do with it (bragging about writing the list in different colors) is great, and his awkwardness while he accidentally prints the list and has to read it is one of the funniest single gags the show ever does (every touch Matthew Perry adds, from snapping the piece of paper, to “one lonely gray couch” is just fucking brilliant). Monica’s there in the background, too, on a forgettable adventure about Moccolate, the chocolate that doesn’t get FDA-approved (and bubbles in your mouth as you eat it), but Chandler’s few scenes and bits of dialogue run away with the episode, despite all the attention on Ross and Rachel.

Like many comedies, Friends felt the need to squeeze every dramatic ounce out of the sexual tension between Rachel and Ross – but in ‘the List’, it actually manifests itself in an interesting way, one that gives Rachel a dynamic outside of “hot, somewhat ditzy and occasionally childish woman” that would become her trademark over the years. It can be a drag waiting for the inevitable on a comedy, but ‘the List’ finds some fresh emotional ground to walk on, one of the more enjoyable, meaningful bits of tension between Ross and Rachel.

Other thoughts/observations:

– who’s up for singing a verse of ‘Two of Them Kissed Last Night’?

– Not a fan of the gender stereotypes in the cold open: the guys grunt about Ross’s kiss over pizza, while the girls break out the wine and swoon over the details.

– Joey’s got two words for Ross: threesome.

– Chandler: “does anybody want to play Doom?”

‘The One Where Ross Finds Out’: B-

‘The One with the List’: B+